they say
you deserve better
you have a kind soul
a calming presence
easy to talk to
they say
you’re genuine
so incredibly authentic

but you show a crack
poof

you open the door
just a sliver,
and they scatter
leaving you clutching
all the ugly things
they said they loved

they say
I’ll always be there
just reach out
anytime
you do
midnight, 3 a.m., 5:47 p.m.
noose tightening
vise clamping

but they’re
busy
distracted
tired
somewhere else

who am I to expect their worlds
to tilt,
to collapse
to tremble
just because mine does?

who am I to imagine they should abandon
their warm beds
their quiet evenings
their neatly folded plans
for my storms?

they sing praises
to your strength
but your darkness?
your doubts?
your goddamn humanity?

poof

magic trick,
vanishing act,
rabbit in the hat,
except
you’re the rabbit,
suffocating

you deserve better,
they say
but only if you keep it
together
only if you wear the mask
only if you smile
only if you take your pills
only if you stay
convenient

and then it’s your fault
too intense
too much
a little draining
I’ve got a lot going on
you should talk to someone

poof

and there it is
the silent chorus
praising your resilience
applauding your survival
as long as you survive
quietly

they say
you deserve better
and they mean it
as long as better means
not them